you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
