I wish my penis had an off switch
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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