When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my liver is dry heaving
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
