At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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