Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she smelled like a LAN party
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
