That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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