she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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