Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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