i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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