as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
