If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
