Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
