while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
