so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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