god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
