Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
