...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
