I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
