Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
