I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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