I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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