Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
