is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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