i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
