Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
