I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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