Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
