Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
