FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
