So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
