It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
