I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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