My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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