hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
