Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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