xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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