I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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