i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize