Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
