oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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