I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
