Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
