Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
