So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When did we convert life to cartoon?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
