Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my shit smells like andre
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
