Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
