it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
