The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
