I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
