just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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