the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
