We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
