now i know why i became what i already was.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
