thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
