yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
