Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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