When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
