The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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