he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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