Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
