the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
