That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
