Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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