Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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