Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
