did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
