apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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