bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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