I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
